when i was a child

when i was a child…
what a whimsical phrase.
a phrase the old-timers use with authority and relish,
and parents use as overall reproof.

i didn’t use to understand why the elderly dwell in the past.
at least, i didn’t connect in any way.
i didn’t have much of a past, you see.

but now i’m a little bit older.
and i think i have an inkling of the charm in the phrase…
…when i was a child.

such carefree joy and painless troubles were mine in those days.
such days, innumerable as dewdrops.
as i danced through those years,
i was convinced beyond a doubt
that around any of life’s bends existed dozens of opportunities.
i would choose among them, all golden of course,
and i would find my perfect dream.

but the road got a bit too long and weary,
the next bend so far away that it looked like a mirage to me.
and when i finally reached it,
fear and sorrow joined me on my journey.

i then lost the rosy idealism and naiveté i possessed…
…when i was a child.

we drove home tonight. i was spent, physically and emotionally.
but i lifted up my eyes to see slate clouds float by in the gloaming,
and i opened my soul to the glorious strains of an old hymn.

“abide with me, fast falls the eventide,
the darkness deepens, Lord, with me abide.
when other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, oh, abide with me.”

i reflect on this moment. i remember the tender care of my God,
the One who will always be a Father to me,
in whose arms i can always rest secure.

then i know that all is well,
and will be well forever.

as long as i am His child.